I'm pants shitting drunk right now
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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