he looks like a really good dad on facebook
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
