I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
