we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
