He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
farters have to be the big spoon...
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
