I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
