I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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