So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
