Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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