nut hugger
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
