Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
bring money and cleavage
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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