I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
this hospital has no fireball
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
