Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
