I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
