Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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