I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
