Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Rumble strips road head = magical
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Randomize
