My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
