shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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