she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
its not stalking. its research.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
