I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize