Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
