was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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