Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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