My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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