fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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