I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize