She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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