you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
