i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
