On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Is it penis luge time yet?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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