so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
