I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize