And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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