I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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