what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
