Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize