Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize