I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
