Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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