I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
