I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
