I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
he shaved USA in his pubs
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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