does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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