u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
