you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
