that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
