Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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