I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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