Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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