I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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