Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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