I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
