whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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