If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
