He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
