I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
