good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
