WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
