Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
