I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
