well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
