I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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