If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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