You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
