All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
