Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
