I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
