He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
