like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
