You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
