Im at strip club and am horny
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
