thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
