ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
