u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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