I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
