a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
