i jhust puked up my retainher.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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